Sex Stuff Resources
The most effective (or just interesting) tools I know for men to level up their sexual health.
A substantial modicum of folks reached out after my last post on porn and mastering arousal so this is a follow up post. It’s a cocktail of resources for men’s sexual health that are not pills. It skews a bit fringe because that’s what newsletters are good for.
Practice based resources
Dr. Kegel App: This app is all about pelvic floor exercises aka kegels. Kegels (strengthening pelvic floor muscles) and reverse kegels (relaxing pelvic floor muscles) are having a bit of a moment for men as a tool for having stronger orgasms and sexual dysfunction. Urologists and sexual health influencers like Rena Malik, MD and Rex from last week’s post are big proponents. You can look up pelvic floor exercises online and create your own program. Dr. Kegel provides a bit more structure by slowly building pelvic floor exercise complexity and intensity to better ensure safety and progressive strengthening.
Mojo App: Mojo is for young dudes experiencing erectile dysfunction - a surprisingly common thing for dudes these days. It offers daily physical and psychological exercises to help men get back on track. In full disclosure, I facilitate their Monday group sessions. But I’d recommend them anyways for any men experiencing erectile dysfunction given they take the most holistic and science based approach to treating ED that I’ve seen from any service. If you use the code LO9ALg7E you get 30% off your membership forever.
Angion Method: One of the foundational exercises for a lot of men’s sexual health programs boils down to dick massaging. It’s a way to increase blood flow and feel more connected to bodily sensation - two things which improve orgasms and sexual experiences. A dude on Reddit took this to the next level and created his own program called the Angion Method which focuses on increasing blood flow and giving dick veins a workout. The whole schtick presents more as intense-dude-on-Reddit than science based programming, but people I trust have tried it and recommend it so here we are.
Online communities
No-fap on Reddit: A community of dudes supporting each other to abstain from masturbating from porn. No Nut November is their holy month, which means the memes are A+ this time of year.
Semen Retention: A community of dudes supporting each other to not ejaculate. This community gets a little more philosophical and spiritual than No-Fap, with an occasional side dish of “I’ve achieved magical powers by not cumming”.
Om Rupani’s School for Dominance and Submission: This is a BDSM learning community. BDSM stuff is frankly outside my wheelhouse, but this comes recommended and when I checked it out, I fell in love with this community guideline:
“Be decorous. Act like you are a character in a Jane Austen novel. Act as if you are such a character who has arrived at a formal ball or dinner party. Please shed the sloppy comportment that is all too common in our 21st century — especially so when the inhabitants of these modern times are at their computers. Present yourself with dignity and some flare…Don’t be too casual. NEVER be sloppy in your energy on this platform.”
A lot of spaces these days create safety by promoting honesty and authenticity. Another way of promoting safety is to mandate that folks act like their parents paid good money for them to have some fucking manners and I dig it.
Books
The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand. A respected guide to Tantric sex written by a French woman. The word “Tantric” creeped me out for the last few decades because I associated it with New Age types whom I didn’t consider my people. And while I still judge the hell out of them, I think sexual health is an area I have a lot to learn from them on. Margo’s book is simply a practical guide to intimacy and more enjoyable sex. While some of the exercises can be done solo, the book is largely a guidebook for couples.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. I wrote about the takeaways from this book last week, but basically it’s an accessible guide to Taoist thought on sex. I think it’s the most important book on men’s sexual health I’ve read to date as it provides a healthier paradigm regarding sexual energy than anything I’ve encountered before. I think a lot of dudes, myself included, have avoided sexual energy in case it becomes a distraction to work or makes us act a fool in social settings. This book teaches men to harness it into a productive, generative force that aligns with how men want to be.
She Comes First by Ian Kerner. A classic on the finer arts of cunnilingus. My favorite genre of how-to guides is when the author has some debilitating deficiency and only through getting weirdly obsessive over precise steps are they able to find competence and then mastery. This book nails that.
What did I miss? Respond to this email with any recommendations and I’ll include them in the next update. Thank you!
New online course for emotional intelligence
I’ve created an online course for men’s emotional intelligence tools. It’s cheaper than therapy, and the focus is foundational skills in service of the emotional intelligence holy grail: to show up how we want to show up in any given circumstance. The first cohort kicks off December 5th, and subscribers to this newsletter get $50 off.