Downshifting with Steve Schlafman
The benefits of slowing down and how to do it
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Steve Schlafman coaches high performing individuals on how to “downshift” to a life filled with more intention, clarity, and purpose. I started following Steve when he was a successful VC in NYC, and then grew really interested in his journey when he started posting publicly the difficulties and benefits of downshifting. If you’re at all interested in what downshifting your life could look like - now or in the future - this interview is for you.
What is downshifting?
Johnny: You work with a lot of folks who made money, got burnt out, and are now reprioritizing what they want in life. What, in your opinion, is the top thing your clients are looking for?
Steve: Before I even answer the specifics of the question, it's important to note that it's not just founders who have made a lot of money. I work with many founders and other high performers who have worked on their companies for eight to twelve years. Some of them haven’t had the outcome they were expecting, and now they're left asking themselves, "Who am I?" They're standing at the base of a mountain, looking up, not even knowing what the next mountain will be.
What are they looking for? It really varies depending on the person, but generally speaking, the big one is wanting a reset—and not necessarily knowing how to do it. For example, I have a client who refers to one of his parts as “get shit done.” As you know, I love IFS (Internal Family Systems), and this “get shit done” part just runs his life.
Johnny: What can that reset look like?
Steve: In the context of this client, you have three months, six months, maybe a year. How do we design an engagement that fits the context of their life? In one case, the client needs a job in six months, and while I’m not an executive recruiter, we’re diving into what’s really important. What kind of life does he want to have? What does he want his days to look like? What kind of impact does he want to have? How much of his previous life and expertise does he want to bring into his next chapter? And so much more.
Johnny: Downshift sounds like it's accelerating what most people end up doing at some point in their life, which is reflecting on how I want to spend the time I have left. How do you hold someone's hand through that? What is the emotional arc of someone who's doing that?
Steve: The program is a ten-week decelerator, followed by a month-long integration period. When we bring people in, we start with a four-day retreat, where we begin teaching what we call downshift practices—these range from meditation techniques to immersing in nature, to cultivating presence. Our goal is to help them shift from fight-or-flight mode, as many have been for a long time, to a more present and resourced way of being. It’s about learning to slow down, regulate their nervous system and, as my teachers Jim and Diana from the Conscious Leadership Group say, starting to notice when you’re "above the line" or "below the line."
Each week of the program focuses on a different topic—everything from endings, death, and being with grief, to relationships with ambition, money, and achievement, core values, creativity and play, zone of genius, and so on. A lot of it involves removing resistance and old patterns—not rejecting them, but integrating them in a healthier way. This opens up space for intuition, creativity, and other attributes to come through.
How resistance shows up
Johnny: What did that resistance look like for you?
Steve: The first resistance I experienced was largely unconscious. My consciousness and healing journey started a decade ago when I was on vacation, and I came across an ad for The Power of Now. I downloaded it on my Kindle, and it knocked me on my ass. At the time, I was largely numbing my existence with substances, especially cannabis, but also others. When I got home, I realized I needed to learn how to meditate. I had been numbing myself and resisting life in general. Nine months later I got sober.
About three years later, I quit my job as a partner at a big VC fund in New York. Then the resistance shifted—it became largely about money and the fear of not having enough. I was raised by a single mother, and while we had a great childhood in many ways, we lived paycheck to paycheck. That scarcity mindset around money is deeply ingrained in me.
There was also a moment where I knew I had to do nothing—I had been going hard year after year, even at the start of my coaching journey. I realized I needed to call a time-out. I told myself, "I’m just going to coach; I’m not going to start any new projects." During that year, I kept asking myself, "Am I going to be insignificant?" I had these voices in my head saying, "If you’re not on Twitter, if you’re not building something, are you going to be valued?"
A Man’s Work Medicine Cabinet
Downshift is a 10-week decelerator program combining in-person retreat and online sessions to help high performers transition with intention.
Applications are open until September 23rd.
If you're a high achiever seeking clarity, Downshift offers a transformative approach to intentional deceleration, helping you recalibrate and move forward with renewed purpose.
If you're ready to slow down and deepen your connection with yourself and life, this program is for you.
How everyone can downshift
Johnny: For someone in their 30s, whether they've made it or not, they're definitely going through a period of prioritizing mental health and figuring out what balance looks like. What advice do you have for them?
Steve: Everyone can downshift. I would explain it in two ways. First, ask yourself: is your identity fully tied up in work? Meaning, do you think about work all the time, are all your friends from work, and are all of your activities work-related? If your entire identity is wrapped up in work, with no multidimensionality, the transition will likely be harder. When the floor falls out from under you, you won’t have other practices or activities you love to fall back on. So, the first thing is to add some level of multidimensionality to your life—it’s really important.
The second thing I would suggest is incorporating practices that help calm your system. Some of my clients love taking a 30-minute walk in the middle of the day without their phone, or they sit on a park bench for 30 minutes with their phone off. What are those small practices you can introduce?
When you’re doing these practices daily, pay attention to the chatter in your head. Are you being self-critical? Are you telling yourself that you should be working, that this is a waste of time? Start writing down the thoughts you hear when you’re trying to give yourself this time and space. This is the kindling for growth.
The goal of intentional deceleration isn’t to slow down for its own sake. It’s to connect more deeply with yourself, to start noticing your thoughts or feeling the tension in your body. These practices are designed to create that awareness, which can lead to self-discovery and, hopefully, to a greater sense of agency.
It’s like a snow globe—we keep it constantly shaken, so the snow never settles, and it’s always cloudy. Slowing down, even if it’s just for 30 minutes during the day, gives the snow a chance to settle. It helps with focus, renewal, and clarity. You might be surprised by the memories, ideas, sensations and feelings that come up.
And in that stillness, you may find exactly what you need—whether it’s a new perspective, a sense of peace, or simply a deeper connection to yourself. Give yourself the gift of slowing down. You deserve it.
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Applications are open for Downshift’s Fall Decelerator program until September 23rd, which kicks off with a 3 day / 3 night retreat in the Catskills of upstate NY. Apply here.
You can find Steve on Twitter here.
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