America wants its balls back
The question driving men's political energy
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In the world of men’s groups, where dudes open about their insecurities, I see one insecurity come up more than others: “how do I get my balls back?”
It doesn’t always sound like that, but I see it from men dealing with all kinds of issues.
I see it in the young father who feels trapped by work and domestic responsibilities.
I see it in men who feel like they can’t speak their minds for fear of being canceled or judged.
I see it in men addicted to alcohol, drugs, social media, or porn and who feel helpless in the face of it.
And the more trapped, judged, and helpless men feel, the more this question is top of mind.
One of the themes of this newsletter is that our personal emotional baggage plays out structurally. My hot take is that to the extent any political message resonates with a majority of men, it answers “How do I get my balls back?”
Balls back on the right
Many conservatives on the right have made this central to their messaging. It’s a reason why Dana White, the CEO of UFC, spoke at the Republican National Convention. And why Tucker Carlson made a documentary about men losing their mojo called The End of Men. And why the picture of Trump raising his fist after the assassination attempt is now his most famous image.
For a lot of men, little else matters. If you’ve got 100 different political messages, the one that sounds like Get Your Balls Back becomes the signal, and everything else becomes the noise. As Steve Bannon explains in this interview, politically this is his entire game. As of last week, Trump holds a 17% lead among men vs. Harris (56% to 39%).
Balls back on the left
And what about the 39% who don’t view Trump favorably? I’d put good money on those dudes wanting their balls back too. Every liberal dude I’ve talked to expresses some version of that need. They just don’t make it a political issue.
And this is where the issue is.
There is a hesitancy among liberal men to claim the Balls Back Agenda as their own. It carries a ton of emotional baggage:
It can feel like it undermines women.
It’s an admission of weakness.
Some men feel undeserving of “wanting more.”
It can feel tied up in negative stereotypes of men seeking dominance.
As a result, the whole issue is ignored in public spaces.
The Balls Back Agenda ain’t a bad thing, but there’s a light side and dark side to it.
The light side is a drive for agency and courage.
The dark side is a drive for domination.
And as emotionally evolved as we think we are, we waffle between which one inspires us most. Sometimes we think of ourselves as Abraham Lincoln or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Sometimes we think of John Wick.
Winning is good
I don’t think repressing all urges for domination is the answer. It mostly leads to some mixture of passive aggression, shame, and anger. We need some element of “winning.” And so this becomes the question: how can liberal men get clear on what “winning” looks like for them? And do so in a way that doesn’t feel repressed or shameful?
Some guys find the answer in making money. Or physical fitness. Or fighting authority. Or creating personal autonomy. Or creating social capital. Whatever game we choose, getting our balls back requires picking one and feeling good about it. And actually feel good about it.
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